The Hardest Word to Say
by Bluebird757
Summary: Percy has not had contact with his family for two years. But will his family still help him when he falls into deatheater hands?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: If I owned it I wouldn't waste time putting stories on a website. They would be in the books.

A/n This chapter is short the next will be longer.

Percy could have been put in Ravenclaw. He had the intelligence for it. He could have been put in Slytherin. He was ambitious enough for it. But instead of either of those he was put in Griffindor. Ironically the reason he was placed in that house was because he didn't have the courage. The courage to go home and see all their faces looking back at him if he hadn't been place in Griffindor. When your entire family's legend is based on one thing, being in Griffindor, (That and their red hair.) It's hard to break the legend. So he had asked the sorting hat to put him in Griffindor. In the house where he didn't belong. The house of courage and heroes. The house of fools who leap into danger. A house he was never really part of.

The day he and his parents had the famous argument had been two years ago. Since then a lot had changed. Percy could no longer deny that his parents had been right. Voldemort was back. He should have gone straight back to his parents and begged for forgiveness. Yet here he was still at his desk, doing paperwork for his boss. Always hard working and never breaking ruled. He sometimes thought of going home and trying to fix things, but every time he tried to write his hand would refuse to grasp the pen right, and no words would come to his mind. And every holiday he would want to go visit, but stopped every time with a whispered maybe next year. The people he missed the most were his mother and Ginny. Every one else he could go on with out, but every time he had to return a sweater his mother sent or ignore a letter she sent it ate at him. Making him go crazy with guilt.

With a sigh Percy looked up to see it was finally time for him to leave for the day. Clearing his desk he hurried out of building and out into the rapidly darkling night. It was November and a cold wind blew. Pulling his coat tighter Percy picked up his pace.

Suddenly a hand was covering his mouth and the last thing he saw, as his vision faded was four dark figures closing in on him.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

A/n: this is from Percy point of view. I do not own any Harry Potter characters/places.

I opened my eyes and for a minute I could not see anything. Darkness surrounding me almost like it was pressing down on me. Like something out of my childhood nightmares. Shaking my head I blinked until my eyes adjusted to the dark. I was in a dungeon. I fumbled for my wand while trying to remember how I got here. Not surprisingly my wand was gone. I sat there for a moment unable to grasp that fact. How could my wand be gone? I had always kept it with me since the moment I first received it. Well this is getting me nowhere. Maybe I should explore my prison. I tried to push my self up only to have my left leg give out below me .My world spun as the pain shot up my entire body. Okey that rules out that idea. What can I do instead? I can't walk and I don't have my wand so that leaves me with the grand plan of sitting here. I shifted my body until I was leaning against the wall. This way I would be able to see anyone entering. But soon my injures combined with my inability to do anything overpowered me and I fell asleep.

Unknown amount of hours later

I was startled from my sleep by a bright light entering my cell. When I was able to make out the face I found myself staring into the face of Lucius Malfoy. My day just seems to get better and better. Oh well better fine out what he wants.

"What the hell do you want?" Way to go Percy. Get the death eater mad at you before he has even said anything.

" Lord Voldemort wants the information you have as a member of the Order and as assisent to Ministry Of Magic."

"What are you talking about? I haven't talked to my family in two years!"

"We believe this to be a lie and that you are giving them information from the ministry." I saw him raise his wand and I knew what was coming but I couldn't stop it. I screamed as the curse hit me. Over my own screams I could still hear him yelling.

"TELL ME THE TRUTH!"  
But I had nothing to tell him. This was the darkest moment in my entire life. My family would not even come looking for me. Why should they? I was the one who had walked out on them. I couldn't even bring myself to tell them I'm sorry when it became clear they were right. My stupid pride! I guess this is the ending I deserve. Another curse hit me and everything seemed to fade into darkness as I passed out.

Meanwhile Percy has been missing for two days. The family has been informed. They are now at the orders hideout

Molly-Where could he be? My poor baby! What if he's hurt or worse!

Fred- If would be nothing more then what the jerk deserves!

Molly- Don't you say that! He's still your brother.

George-He walked out on us mother. Not the other way around.

Molly-Go to your rooms. Harry will be arriving any time now and I don't to be arguing with you two.

Fred-But mom…

Molly-GO!


	3. Chapter 3

A/n: Zoran. I'll try my best. Hope you like this chapter as well.

Chapter3

I can't tell you what was worse. When Malfoy was there or when he was gone. When he was there I suffered every imaginable curse but when he wasn't there it was almost ten times worst. Every second he was gone I thought about what he would do when he came back. It was like I was being tortured all over again. I wished for death all the time. What else could I wish for when even sleep brings no comfort? Every time I closed my eyes I saw my family sitting down for dinner. I would run to my mother to hug her and to say sorry over and over again. But I could never touch her. Each time I put out my arms to grab her she'd disappear and I was left there with nothing but empty air.

I no longer knew how long I been down here. Time no longer mattered. Two days or two weeks. What did it matter? I was going to die down here. I knew that and had even accepted it. I just wish they would hurry up and get it over with. Waiting for death has to be worse then actually dieing. After all, once you die you don't feel anything else. I wonder if anyone is looking for me. Did anyone know I was missing? Or had the Ministry covered up my disappearance? It wouldn't surprise me if they had. Bloody heartless bastards.

The thing about being a prisoner is that you have a lot of time to think. And let me tell you thinking about my life is just depressing. I have no friends. No family though I admit that's my fault. If I get out of here I think I'm going to get drunk and stay that way. At least if I'm drunk I wont have to think about what a prick I have been. I wont have to think about everything I have missed since I left. Just complete bliss. But oh look Malfoy has come to see me. How thoughtful of him.  
" I have come to ask you one more time to give up the information you are with holding."  
"I already told you I have nothing to withhold. I haven't talked to my family in years!"

"Really, You expect us to believe a Weasley would just leave his family? We are not stupid!"

"Could have fooled me." Did I just say that? Either starvation has made me incredibly brave or incredibly stupid.

"THAT'S IT YOU INSOLENT FOOL!"

I go with incredibly stupid. My screams are torn from me as I am hit repeated with curses I don't even know. I think I'm going to die now. This is it. This is how it all ends.

The door burst open. I can't tell who it is. Clearly not a friend of Malfoy's has they are now fighting. But I can't stay awake any longer and I don't see how it ends.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

A/n: _Thoughts are this._

I cannot even beginning to describe how beautiful it is to see sunlight again after so many weeks of darkness. The feel of the warm sun on your face is like a mothers hug. I open my eyes anxious to find out if I had indeed been rescued or if I was dead. I gasp as I realize he is in the Grimmauld house. A wave of fear hit and the urge to run was strong very strong. _I should be relived. I am finally rescued from the hellhole. I have been tortured by death eaters surely this would be the perfect time to reconnect with my family. _Yet the more Percy tried to work up the courage to get out of the bed and go see everyone the more he wished he were still asleep. _Wait! My leg is it healed? _Gently he sat on the edge of the bed and tried to put weight on it. It was still sore but someone had healed it. Voices could be heard as someone came closer to the bedroom. Percy froze and prayed they would just pass by. _One of the order must have saved me? How can I face any of them knowing I insulted them all and now one of them as saved me? How can I look any of them in the eyes?_ With a groan I lie back down. I was better off when I wasn't awake. I close my eyes. The door creaks as it is opened. Footsteps as they walk closer to me. The person is standing over me and opening my eyes is the last thing I want to do.

"Percy? Are you awake?"  
I want desperate to pretend to still be asleep but after everything else I put my mom through I can't. I open my eyes.

"Hello Mother." Tears are streaming down her face now as she yells for everyone to come see. I am so tired and seeing everyone is the last thing I want to do. But I can already hear their voices and footsteps getting closer. And I have never been more terrified.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

In just like that I'm face to face with my siblings. Fred and George look so pale. Ron and Ginny are holding hands. Even Bill and Charlie are here. They all look so tired. But the worst blow comes when my father enters. The rings under his eyes are so dark its as if he hasn't slept in mouths. His mouth a grim line drawn across paper that's been stretched too much. The silence is so thick I feel like I'll choke on it. He steps slowly closer to the bedside as if afraid I'll leap up and attack him.

"Hello son." The words are spoken so softly for a moment I'm not even sure I have heard them. A part of me wants to throw myself at his feet and beg for forgiveness, but the other part is saying you were just attacked by death eaters just because he was your father. He owes you an apology. I manage to choke out a hello. My mother is crying as she strokes my right hand.

" How long?" I ask. They exchange sad looks then look away. "How long was I a prisoner?" It's Bill who finally answers with a whispered three weeks. _Three Weeks?_ The words resound in my head and I can't seem to grasp it. _How could it only have been three weeks it seems like so much longer?_ My cheeks are wet and I raise a shaky hand to them and I relies I'm crying. My moms hugging me now. Almost pulling me on her lap. I can hear her whispering "My poor baby" into my ear, but I'm so far away they barely register with me. _Please don't hug me! I don't deserve it after I returned your jumper that you lovingly sewed for me. I was such an ungrateful prick! Please stop! I cant handle your...kindness. _ She's rocking me now and my once silent tears are now grief stricken sobs. I don't know how long she held me like that, but soon my sobs had stopped and my eyes were closing. The last thing I see is her tucking me in with a kiss on my forehead before sleep consumes me.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

When I awoke it, was dusk and the sun was just setting. Bill was sitting in a chair next to my bed.

"Your awake!"

"You always were observant Bill." I hated myself for the bitterness that crept into my voice, but I could not keep it out.

He shifted awkwardly.  
"Are you okay?"

I snorted at the question. "Yes Bill. I was just tortured for three weeks by deatheaters for information I had no clue about, but that does not matter at all, I am just dandy! And how are you doing?"

I have really freaked him out now. He gets this hurt puppy look on his face and I hate myself even more for hurting him. Nevertheless, I cannot seem to stop now. It is as if all the bitterness and hurt feeling I ever felt are coming to the surface. I am shouting now.

"WHAT I'm ATTACKED AND ALL OF SUDDEN YOU CARE! YOU GUYS HAVE NEVER CARED FOR ME! MY WHOLE CHILDHOOD I WAS THE ODD ONE OUT! YOU HAD CHARLIE, FRED HAD GEORGE, RONHAD GINNY! EVERONE EXECPET ME HAD SOMEONE ELSE! YOU GUYS ALWAYS LEFT ME OUT JUST BECAUSE I WAS AS FUNNY OR CAREFREE ASYOU! AND DID YOU KNOW THIS PAST YEAR I HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH PAYING ALL MY BILLS AND I HAVE BEEN SO BLOODY DEPREESSED BECAUSE I HAVENT SEEN MOM, BUT YOU WEREN'T THERE FOR ME THEN SO DON'T PRETEND YOU'RE HERE FOR ME NOW!

I am breathing heavy now and I feel hot as if a fire is burning inside me. Bill is staring at me in shock and for a minute, I almost feel bad, but then I remember how lonely I was as a child and the weeks I spent being tortured for these people. None of them had ever believed in me. Ok, maybe I was wrong about you know who, but they could have tried to be happy about me getting the job. I can hear Mom shouted "what's going on" as she come up the stairs and Fred and George voices soon join hers as they grow ever closer. I do not want to face them and seeing my wand lying on the dresser, I grasp for it and in a flash I am out of that house and back at my own empty flat.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

A thin layer of dust can be seen on everything as I stand in my living room. For a moment, I am worried they will follow me, but then I square my shoulders and march to the kitchens. I was not afraid of them. I am so anger at everything and everyone that I just want to stop thinking. Opening a cabinet I pull out the bottle of vodka that a coworker had given me as a present last Christmas. I had not opened it, but now seem like a good time. Tipping my head back, I sucked the cool liquid down. It burns my throat and feels so good. At this moment, I can easily identify with all the alcoholics out there. It would be so easy just to get drunk and stay that way. I hear a pop in my living room. Someone has come after be. _Wonder who it is?_ Clutching the bottle to my chest, I head to the living room to discover who has invaded my privacy.

It is my mother. She looks distraught.

"Percy! Please come home. I love you. I do not think I can bear losing you anymore."

"Mom. You were the best mother and the whole world, but you just could not keep up with all your kids. It was not you that hurt me. It was them. I can't face them right now." She's crying now and twisting her hands.

"Mother you will always be welcome here, but right now I ……." I fumble to express my pain into words. "I just need to be alone." She gives a slight smile and I know she is fighting to be brave and clam. "Ok Percy. But please be careful. You don't know how worried your father and I were when you were missing."  
"Father was worried?" I cannot keep the surprise out of my voice.

"Of course Percy! He's still your father and he loves you he just… doesn't know how to deal with you"

_Deal with me? What am I some kind strange and weird being?_ My anger flares up at this.

"You should go mom." She hugs me and then with a pop is gone and I am left alone with only a bottle of vodka to hold me.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

I do not know how long I have laid here on the bed. Minutes, hours, or days it makes no difference. Time seems to stand still. The vodka and my memories mix creating new demons and making me relive the old. Shadows dance across the room, calling my name. I feel tired and not just in my body. My mind is tired. My very soul is tired. Sleep would be the closet thing to heaven right now, but all I have to do is close my eyes and I am back there. Down in the darkest dungeon. Down in my own personal hell. I can still see the gleam of happiness in Malfoy's eyes has he tortured me. Someone was ringing my doorbell earlier. I did not answer and they went away. Good. I do not want to see anybody. The vodka helps. Keeps me from remembering to feel pain. I raise the bottle to my lips and find its empty. I could go get some more. There is a store right down the street. I could go but the thought of having to interact with people is too much. I think I will just stay here forever. They will find my rotting body still on the bed years from now. The ministry will shake its head and go on. Nothing will change and no one will care. Except mum but she has to care. She is my mother. God I have to piss! The vodka has really affected me and I stumble down the hall. Crashing into walls and chairs. I don't even make it back to the bedroom. I collapse on the living room floor. And I sleep. I sleep and I dream of cold dudgeons, demons, and cruel gray eyes staring at me from the dark.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

I tried to go to work today. Really I did. I even got as far as actually get dressed before I gave up. I never wanted to go back to that job. Therefore, I sit drinking coffee. My head is pounding and it occurs to me that I never asked who it was that found me. It must have been one of the order, but still it be nice to know who. Oh well it wont really affect me if it was Tonks or Dumbledore himself who rescued me. Sighing I pulled out the newspaper and opened to the help wanted section. I really did not feel like finding a job, but you need a job to get money, and money to buy food, and the food is needed for me to live. Moreover, I can only drink vodka if I am alive so therefore a job I must find. There was an ad for the twins joke shop. They needed people to test new products. The pay was tempting, but no. Hunting boggots? Interesting, but I prefer not to face my greatest fear everyday, thank you very much. A half hour later and I gave up. There was simply no job in the magic community. Then it hit me. Down the street was a muggle adoption shop for dogs. I liked dogs. As a five year old, I had begged for one. We of course could not afforded one. Well I could not have one then, but I can help find homes for some now. And with that, I grabbed one of my muggle outfits. It was a simple black shirt with blue jeans. A jacket completed the outfit and I turned to go.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

I got the job. It has been four days since I talked to my mother and my days are now spent feeding and caring for all manner of animals. The puppies are the most adorable things and when my shift is over, I often stay to play with them. Truth be told I am not sure if this is out of affection for them or form my desire to not be alone. My boss is a muggle couple named Dave and Janet. I think they believe my family abused me. I have informed them I am no longer in contact with them. They put this together with my beat up appearance and came to that understandable, but wrong, conclusion. They have even taken to invite me to dinner at their home. Janet is a wonderful cook and takes the burden of cooking off me. I still drink almost everyday. I think they suspect and disapprove, but as long as I am sober on the job, they do not seem to mind. It is my lunch break now and I sent with the puppies. There are five of them and all of them are eager to play. I have been watching them for a while and one has my eye. One of them has a slight limp in his hind leg. I pity him and in some ways am reminded of myself. He cannot seem to keep up with his brothers and sisters and is usually left out. _ Is this to be is life then? Left out because of who he is? _ He looks at me with these big brown eyes and I cannot help it. I buy him and that night I find myself staring at this poor dog who has some how managed to be adopted by me.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own Percy or any other Harry potter characters. Where the Red Fern Grows does not belong to me.

Chapter 11

I refuse to name this poor creature Lucky or Prince because that is just nonsense. If he were lucky, he would have four good legs instead of three with the fourth trailing behind. If he were lucky, he would have a family with kids to play with instead of having to relay on me to save him. Nevertheless, he still deserves to have a name. That at least is something I can give to him. So here, I am watching him roll his ball across the floor of my flat trying to think of a name for him. He reminds me of my favorite story when I was ten years old. It was Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls. Old Dan in the book was faithful and the best dog you could ask for. Maybe just Dan would do. There he has a name now. Tomorrow I will get him a collar and nametag but right now, it is time for me to start cooking.

I am just sitting down to eat when the doorbell rings. I hate doorbells. Whenever I answer then it is usually someone I do not wish to see. I consider not answering, but this person seems to be persistent and is not letting go of the doorbell. I stomp to the door if only to get some quite. I honestly do not know who I was expecting perhaps my mom or some other family member. I certainly was not expecting Lupen.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 

For a moment time simply stops. This is the man I had yelled and screamed at when I found out he was a werewolf. The one I accused of purposely endangering Ron. The last words I spoke to him were "I'm glad you're leaving! You are a danger that should never have been allowed to teach! How dare You!" I had left him to his packing after that, storming off without waiting for an explanation. Now he is here on my doorstep and I am speechless.

"Do you mind if I come in?"

"Uh. No of course not. Come right in"

The question shocks me into action and I quickly usher him into the living room. I see him looking around and I stare around too. I wonder what he's thinking as he sees the empty bottle of vodka, the blanket I been using to keep warm with thrown on the ground, the unfinished dinner sitting on the table. His eyes final rest on Dan who glares out at him from the safety of table.

"You got a dog."

"Yeah"

What is the point of denying it? The dog is right there looking at him. I watch as he crouches to extend his hand for Dan to smell. Dan sniffs it and casually crawls forward enough for Lupen to pet him.

"Do you know why I'm here Percy?"

Of course I didn't. I hadn't seen him in years and I didn't even know how he knew to find me here.

"Your family is very worried about" Well that explains it. Another one of mothers inquires.

"The entire Order is concerned about you" That's hard to believe and I have no reply to it so I simply stare at him as he rises and turns to me.

"You look terrible." Gee, thanks.

"Have you been sleeping?" The answer to that is no, I am haunting my nightmares and I simply can sleep anymore for fear of what I'll see. But I am not about to tell him that so I simply nod and say something about work. The look he gives me tells me he's not buying it. I have never been a very good liar.

"Dumbledor wishes to invite you to stay at the headquarters with the rest of your family. It would be much safer." I cannot help but laugh at this. It's the crying type of laughter. The one that makes you look like a manic. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see him looking at me with a pained expression on his face. He thinks I have lost it.

"What more can they do to me?" I finally manage to get out.

"Besides no one really wants me there. My family hates me."

"They don't hate you. You should have seen them when they realized you been captured. I thought your father was going to collapse from the strain."

"Well he didn't and now they're all fine. Have a grand old time with Harry." I hate how that last part comes out like a whine. A spoiled child that did not get his way.

"I know there's a lot of misunderstandings between you and your father, but he does love you. As for Harry, he never knew why you did not like him. But I think I can see why. You resented how easy everyone seemed to accept him. They way your brothers instantly liked him."  
I don't say anything. There is no need too. He's right and we both know it. He picks up Dan with one hand and holds the other one out to me.

"Will you come?"

I close my eyes and for a moment, I can almost pretend this isn't happening. I open my eyes and take his hand.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

The next thing I knew we were standing in the kitchen of the Orders headquarters. My mom was at the sink washing dishes with her back towards us. I waited for Lupen to announce our presence. I final figured out that he was waiting for me to say something and with a sigh I called out to her.

"Hey mom."

"Percy!"  
She whipped around so fast it gave me whiplash just from watching her. But I don't have long to ponder this fact when I find myself crushed to her chest as she strokes my head. She finally calms down enough to ask me if I am staying. When I nod my head that sets her off again. Lupen offers to show me to a room and my mom lets me go with the promise that she is making my favorite for dinner. We run into Ginny on the stairs.

"Oh, Percy! Your back! Is this your dog? What's his name?"

"Dan."

"I like that name." I see her hesitate and then she throws her arms around.

"I'm glad your back."  
I don't say anything just patted her back. With one last smile thrown at me and she continues to the kitchen. I'm left staring awkwardly at Lupen, who just smiles sadly at me.

The relieve I feel at making it to the room without running into anyone else is indescribable. Lupen leaves me to "settle in" as he called it. I doubt I will ever be settled again.


	14. Chapter 14

-1Chapter 14 Sorry about the delay I have no reason.

How do you go about putting your life back together when all your dreams are nightmares and all waking moments painful reminders that you are different? Irrevocable different. I sit watching my family gathered around the table, happily enjoying each others company, and I cant help but think that despite the roaring fire next to me all I feel is cold. I can feel Lupen's eyes on me as he sits beside me pretending to read a newspaper. My parents keep glancing this way, probably to reassure that I am still here. Malfoy is here too. Or I should say Draco. The mystery of my savior is solved. Apparently I wasn't the only one to hate the sound of my screams echoing in the dark.

Days pass by and I slowly start to feel alive again. Its not much, just a walk with Dan and Ginny, or a chess game with Ron. I still don't speak much unless I have to ,but these little moments give me hope that maybe I'll make. That maybe there is light after a lifetime of darkness. I sit outside watching Dan chase garden gnomes from my view atop the hill I can see Draco approaching a long way off. When he reaches me ,no words are spoken, he just silently joins me. I don't know how long we sit like this, it seems like hours, it seems like seconds. When the silence is broken its me that disturbs it.

"Nothing is ever going to be the same, is it?"

He shifts, looks at me sadly before answering. "Did you expect it to be?"

No. I guess I always knew I could never go back. But it sill hurts to hear the finality of it.

" I'm tired of being alone."

"Then stop."

" It's not that simple." He sighs.

" I know I just wish it was. But you know your not the only one he used."

With this he pushes himself up. For a moment the sun hits his hair sending flashes of gold across my face, then he's gone, carefully making his way back to the house. No I'm not normal ,but neither am I alone. Maybe it will be enough.

The END


End file.
